vain center

....couldnt guess
what was here
expecting the best of me,
my vain,
my year of vain,
cuz im feeling it
its starting,
already messin with me,
with everything
its so little,
and yet so complicated
its so short and yet
its lasting since..
since ive been wanting it to change.
its the vain
ive been losing myself in,
it aint something i can control
or even talk about,
ive been here,in the same place
and somehow i go and return
its like this is who i am
but i wish i wasnt.
i always want to think
im more than this
but,somehow i guess
the high comes with the wings
and if the wings are missing?
ive lost my wings some time ago,
i want to win them back
along with everything thats mine,
i want to fly away from this vain
im stuck in,
far from what i am
far from what i wanna be
far from myself
and even from you.

misssickalot

stare de nimic
in stare de nimic
nimic de stare
de stare nimic
//
//
bring me back
im paranoid and sick
sick and paranoid
bring me back
i wanna be the one who laughs
i wanna be the one who knows
whats what
dont wanna lose my mind
cuz i care for you,for time,for signs
there are some stops in life
some rules
some suckers who dont know them
and fuck around
with my head,
i fuck around
with my head
bad thoughts
it aint cool
i wanna go home
there the sun always shines
there the sleeps are alive
and reality brings you
to bring me back

septemberish.

monday the 6th ended with the sweet 666
and today i find myself
fallen and ill
one step away from my to do list,
from year 3,
3,the magic number
3,the one i wished for
3,the one from my nightmares
and the one from my dreams.
i have some kind of ache
hurts my chest
hurts my senses
and my neck.
i cant breathe properly but im trying
im so close to it
and again,so far
i have to do the one thing,
the one step
and embrace my 3.
so it feels september,
we let ourselves go,
like the leaves fall from trees,
and we get close
to our futur,
destiny,
life,in fact.

you can call me Disease.

finally,
am scapat de ziua grea de luni care ma dat pe spate in mijlocul unei furtuni de boala pe vreme insorita..mie putin dor de iarna si chiar daca vara este regina,iarna are farmecul ei..un farmec aparte-sarmanta si rece-care imi starneste o stare de somnolenta,hibernare.poate de aia imi place?
hm.
trece timpul asta mai repede ca gandul intrun creier functional si bun dea dreptul.uneori timpul parca sta pe loc si stam si noi cu el,parca ne opreste din viata.imi opreste si simtul si mintea si nu mai pot face nimic,ma blocheaza intro secunda de vid si apoi imi da play doar pentru a ma vedea cum ma zbat in speranta de ami aminti gandul pierdut in vidul timpului spatial,in secunda pierduta privind cu ochi holbati nimicul.
nimicul in care ma pierd si care ma adaposteste cu mare drag.
ne place nimicul
atunci cand trebuie editat,sa spunem,cand trebuie creat,faurit in linisteacu care ne incalzeste,ne raceste,cu care ne face sa visam,sa ne pierdem in noi,in lume,in intrebarile gazduite de o nesfarsita sete de cunoastere,in inchipuirile adancite ale mintii.

you can call me Disease,
i live trying
to cure my pain,
my dissapointments,
my failures,
trying to bring myself
to a some kind
of every day happiness
made of little things
like monsters with salami eyes
and pepper moustache.
im trying to find
a course,a way,
a Cure for what im missing,
something
or someone
who finds me when
i lose myself in the trials of this life,
im figuring that
..im what im missing,
somehow,
deep down,
only i know
what i really want.