Bury me deep

Lost my
Dearest,

I am lost.
I say don't let the world change you
But don't get swallowed by it either.
Don't let yourself be dragged
Down.
It's the game we play,
The rules change
Constantly.

We're not the same,
We're not one.

I don't feel alive
What's living?
If it makes us forget the fact that
We should be breathing by our own hearts.
In our own rhythm.

We meet again,
It's our funeral,
My dearest.
Let's bury what we gave birth to.

My heart hip hops

When everyone goes to sleep
and startle in their sleep
they fall
they wake
they dream.
When life goes on and never stays in one place
for nothing and no one,
life doesn't stop,
but hearts do.
Life goes on, and on and on.
We live and breathe and dream.
We love and read and lean
on theories
on feelings
on friends and we try to never stop believing
we're not alone,
we're not alone,
................
become dependable,
get real,
you're on your own.
That's how my dream crashes
into realities
into the running lives of breathing thieves
the thieves of time,
the dream is not alive.
the dream's asleep,
it's on its own,
works from inside to outside,
not from outside to in.
Be you,
with you.
Surrounded,
you're alone.
Close your eyes.
blanc.
You're on your own.

moment

getting old,
getting closer and closer to myself.
getting to know me? getting to unknow me..
that's life, you think you know something and the next day
BOOM!
you don't.
'cos you realise how stupid you were yesterday,
how stupid you still are
aaand you ask yourself: how much stupidness can there be?
i mean, this is you..and if you don't know yourself?

the all time answer is: i know, i know, i was wrong doing that shit. we all do shit you know?
its like you smoke and you know you're poisoning yourself, what you are, what you are going to be
you know you'll regret it and you so easily do it.
we know this shit that's gonna happen,
after a while its so wrong to expect worse than it already is but shit,
that's what life is: a bunch of crap, one meal at a time
getting older, experiencing more but still not getting wiser...
...still waiting for it.

before

miss wrong is she really wrong? dont believe everything you think, the other says it's not about choices sometimes or is it? is it, if you tremble and crap your heart beats rise temperature is somewhere forgotten but really, you just freeze. unfreezing might cause tears and trouble. just like medicine, love has precautions overdose paranoia past present instant change of temperature. like your skin is too much to have on like you burst and not in tears but feelings tears are level 1. miss wrong.. shes me, with me and within me. she cannot be forgotten, shhht, she keeps it real, at the most of things picturing the worst case scenario is her business. she is always there, she is always awake, she is always alive. my head is dizzy, breathing makes it harder to live but i am alive, not giving up, leveling up. still am low, down, mistaken, misanderstood, paranoid, childish, not wiser but distant. im far away im with miss wrong.

hits from the wrong

gotta desguise as human. too far from anything cos' anything got out out of my reach. since it's tuesday could've easily been two's day but it aint. last night the night cried only for two to find a day without no sun, the night cried him a river so the streets were full of disappointment,regrets and time but nothing good came with the wrong. a sleep that took so little cos'another day brought only light to see the damage starring into nothing; the blurry weather caught them and the earth was shattered. a heart was struck in the hands of hope.

probably wondering where was i?

well i still am.wherever this is.
skins are changing
colours pale to grey
grass stopped growing
and winter's on her way
i almost feel her presence
inside this little box
her cold tricked the window
and came over me
it's crawling little by little
under this white sheet
and my bones feel like liquid
that soon will turn blue
like ice cold is winter
as ice cold my feet.

my subconscious nearly killed you last night.

~

this is it!
watching me,
hunting me
the eyes of lies,
the eyes of knowledge,
of reason,
of whatever
one calls decision.
this is it..
the moment in between
the moment when you should know
what is
the happiness,
hopefully, you might decide you're into.
still,
the moment splits
in everything you are,
in everything you've dreamt of being,
in every little part that you
call yours.
still,
you're stuck
somewhere in the middle,
where the paths cross
wondering..
which is what
and again,
reproducing the image you've seen
for the last years,
blurry in the hollow lights
of the sleepy streets

another day.another night

you can be an individual when you belong to a society but how can you be a part of society when it makes you self-contradictory?
how can i survive this world when i dont know what to expect from it?its night and day and day and night its all of you racing your powers on the playground and the playground is now really somewhat of a leftover.
cuz really,i cant see no one playing anymore.
winter is staying even if we re close to march,and it doesnt seem to be leaving soon.
people are evil and the more you know them the less you think you know.
sleep is not enough and really,its been keeping me awake lately,even if im eyeshut.
i cant find myself in no one anymore because everybody is really gone.
i cant trust myself in no one because really,i wouldnt want myself be known and vulnerable but just to break out for a lil and not turn on me.

aneverendingreyness

all alone
with all of you
wanting somehow
pieces of me.
im broken
many parts of me are lost
many of them,
know exactly where they are
but faraway from
where they wish.
im all alone
in space
in time
im all alone
in everyone of you

im all alone
you
left me breathless.

lumea se misca
pulsuri se zbat inainte si inapoi
in timp si spatiu
din sangele lor in al nostru
din pulsurile lor in noi
va zbateti pe tonuri diferite
din cauze mai mult sau mai putin reale
pentru voi,pentru lume.
imi misuni creierul
cum un vierme siar locui marul
si marul intro zi
mancat pe dinauntru
va muri si va cadea
din copacul prins in pamant.
copacul va ramane cu un mar minus
insa pana la urma,toate merele sale
il vor parasi
nevoite sau nu.
cum las putea considera totusi
pe cel mancat de vierme?
inoportun?
consumat?
comestibil?
........

how did it all start,again?

my heart was ripped
just now
gave me the feeling of headache
and emptiness
became so easy to be human
because humans just leveled down
on the same step with animals.
we are so alike,
we know good from bad
and chose bad,
chose hate,
chose ourselves
just like the chain of power,
you will be my breakfast,
i will eat you and look at you
deep inside
in your heart.
i will never get the chance
to know you
for you
i will know you
for me
and with you,my life will be better
for now.
i wish i was all alone because really
thats how i feel
and the emptiness inside my stomach
will not be filled
by any kinds.

4.3.2.1.0

give it a rest
2011 is closer
to the future.
brings still,
nothing new,
something borrowed,
somehow blue.
light up the atmosphere
cuz the lightnings
are on
another year passed
soon this one
will too.

say sshhhh..

i myself am
telling my innerself
shutup shutup shutup!!
im going a little bit crazy and really
dont know where this is going,
it seems to be going down
and down
and down..
but well,i just have to believe what the world says
and "hope for the best"..from the worst.
its not really the worst but i consider it
close enough.

i want what i always wanted,
which surely brought only trouble.
has good
and very bad parts,
im 21 now,
which makes me..all pretty grown up,
not really but people might consider what im saying,
which of course,is wroooooong.
..i,deep down,have myself in my old shoes,
the ones with dirt on the white parts
but showing the steps ive made,
the steps which made my feet hurt
and my shoes to gain dirt
but also,
took me here,where,i guess,
im supposed to be?
...whatever,
this year is coming to an end..
and i still have to shut up
for a little while longer.
sshhhhhh

---

was, am, will be

a child.
and how i miss being so little
my parents to lift me by my hands
while taking a walk,
and just that
to be heaven.
i miss feeling safe
and happy.
i miss thinking
all i know
is all of it.
i miss knowing nothing
of what i know now.
the feeling of
just waiting to grow up
to face this life,
wating to be oneself,
individual.
it would have happened anyway
but why wishing to grow?
i wish i ungrow
back to 4years old
and knowing the essentials,
like how to count to 10.
..
i miss crying
for the really stupid things
i made,
and feeling the pure conscience judging me
by what would my parents think,
a part of that is still with me.
i miss being
naive
enthusiastic
and alive,
while being underaged
and even if little
with strong feelings of happines
cuz im starting to believe ive wasted it all on my childhood

sangele imi pulseaza,
respir.
ochiul se inchide si apoi
se deschide la loc
la fel de repede ca trecerea secundelor
ascultate in linistea camerei
clipind sub geamul ceasului
caresi misca limbile
regulat,la aceeasi viteza cu acelasi
zgomot surd.
traiesc intrun monoton de luni
in fiecare duminica seara
cand lumeami este supusa
la un exercitiu de panica
ca un fel de atentionare
pentru inca o saptamana
deparde de tine.
aparent,
siroaie de lacrimi imi scalda obrajii
si socul mie atat de mare incat
scot zgomote de ras nebunesc
pentru a remarca procesul
care,spre disperarea mea
se inteteste incetosandumi imaginea
ta,plecand.
ma cutremur adanc
imi strang puterile
in pumnul drept
si mana stanga inchide usa
despartindune.
aah.
i guess,its only
me.

ma obisnuiesc, zilnic.

ma regasesc intrun haos total
nu imi place neaparat
dar sincera sa fiu
mam cam obisnuit
cu un haos destul de previzibil,
doar atunci cand vrea el.
cand nu vrea..te vrea doar pe tine,
cu sufletul pe tava lui,
la micul dejun
si te mananca toata ziua.

placut imprevizibila mai sunt doar eu,
cateodata cand prind cate o idee,
poate cand ma prinde ea.
sau,pur si simplu
cand sunt mai mult decat
plictisita
si incep a rade
sfarsind ciclul de actiuni neintuite
care conteaza cel mai mult
diferentiind zilele unele de altele.
viata persoanala am decis
sa nu mai am,
hah!!!
am decis CA nu mai am:))
cea mai frumoasa intamplare
e vineri:))
si nui mai pasa nimanui.
poate cuiva ii mai pasa
dar daca mie numi pasa e de ajuns.
mie oricum numi pasa,
doar sunt aici
si ma obisnuiesc cu asta zilnic.
da,
zilnic.

zile si nopti

zile si nopti,
albe si negre.
ma trezesc din vise cu tine
iar tu ai disparut de mult.
incerc sa fac primul pas
pentru a ma indeparta.
deschid ochii
si sunt aici,in locul asta
in locul asta care de mult
a incetat sa mai insemne altceva
decat frustrari,
ai ramas agatat in prinzatorul meu de vise
si te intorci in fiecare noapte.
sunteti toti departe de mine
oricat de mult mati bantui.
ziua asta nu a insemnat pentru mine
decat un exercitiu de supravietuire
de demonstrare a puterilor mele
pe care nu mi le mai folosesc demult
pentru ca au devenit imune
odata anturate in acest mediu.
am schimbat tot
dar cumva nimic
suntem la fel pe tabla de sah,
nu lipseste nimeni
suntem doar in razboi.
ei bine..
am invatat ca tot ce incepe
se termina mai mult ca sigur
fie ca rau sau bun,
fie ca sunt eu sau tu
fie ca e un sfarsit
care va naste alt inceput.

ide.ass

little of us survive this life without losing themselves,
considering you have yourself with you.
ascult ce ascultam si acum 6 ani
si are totul un alt inteles
ideea e ca am ramas tot la mine
tot cemi placea imi place,
-cu mici schimbari,sau mari,
insesizabile,
stiute doar de mine-
doar ca toate au un alt inteles,
unul mai constructiv si educativ
pentru mine ca univers-parte din mine,
din noi,
parte din turma de oi
insa sunt o oaie care paste alte campuri
decat voi.
-
im gone to sleep now,
back to sleep.

fall times

this is fall times,
never times to fall,
never times to flow.
its fall times
for nature,
not for me.

sad and depressed
listening this song
cant you see
lifes easy
..
in another way
from another point of view.
and all i wanna say is
fuck you.
i want it my way
im such a crybaby
and i know it
but well,
arent we all?
at least,tired of another point of view?
i love you,believe me,
im doing this for us,
lookin at it from another point of view
cuz fck me if i can stand this anymore.
lost my patient,
my ways and sanity.

so easy for nature,
every year the same:
summer,autumn,winter,spring.
but you know?
its not,
is this big planet spining and making me crazy.
fuckin complex,i love easy,
and it is,
always,
in another way,
from another point of view.

surely not from mine,cuz mondays a sucker..and is coming to breakfast:(
id love you daily:)