aneverendingreyness

all alone
with all of you
wanting somehow
pieces of me.
im broken
many parts of me are lost
many of them,
know exactly where they are
but faraway from
where they wish.
im all alone
in space
in time
im all alone
in everyone of you

im all alone
you
left me breathless.

lumea se misca
pulsuri se zbat inainte si inapoi
in timp si spatiu
din sangele lor in al nostru
din pulsurile lor in noi
va zbateti pe tonuri diferite
din cauze mai mult sau mai putin reale
pentru voi,pentru lume.
imi misuni creierul
cum un vierme siar locui marul
si marul intro zi
mancat pe dinauntru
va muri si va cadea
din copacul prins in pamant.
copacul va ramane cu un mar minus
insa pana la urma,toate merele sale
il vor parasi
nevoite sau nu.
cum las putea considera totusi
pe cel mancat de vierme?
inoportun?
consumat?
comestibil?
........

how did it all start,again?

my heart was ripped
just now
gave me the feeling of headache
and emptiness
became so easy to be human
because humans just leveled down
on the same step with animals.
we are so alike,
we know good from bad
and chose bad,
chose hate,
chose ourselves
just like the chain of power,
you will be my breakfast,
i will eat you and look at you
deep inside
in your heart.
i will never get the chance
to know you
for you
i will know you
for me
and with you,my life will be better
for now.
i wish i was all alone because really
thats how i feel
and the emptiness inside my stomach
will not be filled
by any kinds.

4.3.2.1.0

give it a rest
2011 is closer
to the future.
brings still,
nothing new,
something borrowed,
somehow blue.
light up the atmosphere
cuz the lightnings
are on
another year passed
soon this one
will too.

say sshhhh..

i myself am
telling my innerself
shutup shutup shutup!!
im going a little bit crazy and really
dont know where this is going,
it seems to be going down
and down
and down..
but well,i just have to believe what the world says
and "hope for the best"..from the worst.
its not really the worst but i consider it
close enough.

i want what i always wanted,
which surely brought only trouble.
has good
and very bad parts,
im 21 now,
which makes me..all pretty grown up,
not really but people might consider what im saying,
which of course,is wroooooong.
..i,deep down,have myself in my old shoes,
the ones with dirt on the white parts
but showing the steps ive made,
the steps which made my feet hurt
and my shoes to gain dirt
but also,
took me here,where,i guess,
im supposed to be?
...whatever,
this year is coming to an end..
and i still have to shut up
for a little while longer.
sshhhhhh

---

was, am, will be

a child.
and how i miss being so little
my parents to lift me by my hands
while taking a walk,
and just that
to be heaven.
i miss feeling safe
and happy.
i miss thinking
all i know
is all of it.
i miss knowing nothing
of what i know now.
the feeling of
just waiting to grow up
to face this life,
wating to be oneself,
individual.
it would have happened anyway
but why wishing to grow?
i wish i ungrow
back to 4years old
and knowing the essentials,
like how to count to 10.
..
i miss crying
for the really stupid things
i made,
and feeling the pure conscience judging me
by what would my parents think,
a part of that is still with me.
i miss being
naive
enthusiastic
and alive,
while being underaged
and even if little
with strong feelings of happines
cuz im starting to believe ive wasted it all on my childhood

sangele imi pulseaza,
respir.
ochiul se inchide si apoi
se deschide la loc
la fel de repede ca trecerea secundelor
ascultate in linistea camerei
clipind sub geamul ceasului
caresi misca limbile
regulat,la aceeasi viteza cu acelasi
zgomot surd.
traiesc intrun monoton de luni
in fiecare duminica seara
cand lumeami este supusa
la un exercitiu de panica
ca un fel de atentionare
pentru inca o saptamana
deparde de tine.
aparent,
siroaie de lacrimi imi scalda obrajii
si socul mie atat de mare incat
scot zgomote de ras nebunesc
pentru a remarca procesul
care,spre disperarea mea
se inteteste incetosandumi imaginea
ta,plecand.
ma cutremur adanc
imi strang puterile
in pumnul drept
si mana stanga inchide usa
despartindune.
aah.
i guess,its only
me.

ma obisnuiesc, zilnic.

ma regasesc intrun haos total
nu imi place neaparat
dar sincera sa fiu
mam cam obisnuit
cu un haos destul de previzibil,
doar atunci cand vrea el.
cand nu vrea..te vrea doar pe tine,
cu sufletul pe tava lui,
la micul dejun
si te mananca toata ziua.

placut imprevizibila mai sunt doar eu,
cateodata cand prind cate o idee,
poate cand ma prinde ea.
sau,pur si simplu
cand sunt mai mult decat
plictisita
si incep a rade
sfarsind ciclul de actiuni neintuite
care conteaza cel mai mult
diferentiind zilele unele de altele.
viata persoanala am decis
sa nu mai am,
hah!!!
am decis CA nu mai am:))
cea mai frumoasa intamplare
e vineri:))
si nui mai pasa nimanui.
poate cuiva ii mai pasa
dar daca mie numi pasa e de ajuns.
mie oricum numi pasa,
doar sunt aici
si ma obisnuiesc cu asta zilnic.
da,
zilnic.

zile si nopti

zile si nopti,
albe si negre.
ma trezesc din vise cu tine
iar tu ai disparut de mult.
incerc sa fac primul pas
pentru a ma indeparta.
deschid ochii
si sunt aici,in locul asta
in locul asta care de mult
a incetat sa mai insemne altceva
decat frustrari,
ai ramas agatat in prinzatorul meu de vise
si te intorci in fiecare noapte.
sunteti toti departe de mine
oricat de mult mati bantui.
ziua asta nu a insemnat pentru mine
decat un exercitiu de supravietuire
de demonstrare a puterilor mele
pe care nu mi le mai folosesc demult
pentru ca au devenit imune
odata anturate in acest mediu.
am schimbat tot
dar cumva nimic
suntem la fel pe tabla de sah,
nu lipseste nimeni
suntem doar in razboi.
ei bine..
am invatat ca tot ce incepe
se termina mai mult ca sigur
fie ca rau sau bun,
fie ca sunt eu sau tu
fie ca e un sfarsit
care va naste alt inceput.

ide.ass

little of us survive this life without losing themselves,
considering you have yourself with you.
ascult ce ascultam si acum 6 ani
si are totul un alt inteles
ideea e ca am ramas tot la mine
tot cemi placea imi place,
-cu mici schimbari,sau mari,
insesizabile,
stiute doar de mine-
doar ca toate au un alt inteles,
unul mai constructiv si educativ
pentru mine ca univers-parte din mine,
din noi,
parte din turma de oi
insa sunt o oaie care paste alte campuri
decat voi.
-
im gone to sleep now,
back to sleep.

fall times

this is fall times,
never times to fall,
never times to flow.
its fall times
for nature,
not for me.

sad and depressed
listening this song
cant you see
lifes easy
..
in another way
from another point of view.
and all i wanna say is
fuck you.
i want it my way
im such a crybaby
and i know it
but well,
arent we all?
at least,tired of another point of view?
i love you,believe me,
im doing this for us,
lookin at it from another point of view
cuz fck me if i can stand this anymore.
lost my patient,
my ways and sanity.

so easy for nature,
every year the same:
summer,autumn,winter,spring.
but you know?
its not,
is this big planet spining and making me crazy.
fuckin complex,i love easy,
and it is,
always,
in another way,
from another point of view.

surely not from mine,cuz mondays a sucker..and is coming to breakfast:(
id love you daily:)

o alta zi,de 13

poate ca nu sunt destul de buna,
ca voi.
poate ca nu sunt destul de buna
pentru voi,
dar sincer,
mie greu sa cred car fi asa.
am uitat de cratime
si vorbe ce se nasc
dintrun glas linistit
incercand sa poarte o discutie calda.
poate ca undeva pe drum
drumul meu sa intors cu fundul in sus
si a spus stop
iar acum incerc sa merg
impotriva vantului
printro transparenta a intregii firi umane
caci stopul meu
incearca sa aiba continuare
la fel cum noi
incercam sa mai populam pamantul
cand el ne izgoneste.
am ramas aici
construindumi universul meu personal,
contopit cu o societate si o forma de viata
ce incearca sa imite
rotundul unui cerc
care e insa gol,la fel ca voi toti.
acum mai greu
pentru ca e un alt inceput,
printre multe inceputuri
solicitate de imposibilitatea unei continuari
doar ca inceputurile inseamna acomodare
iar acomodarea necesita spirit
iar spiritul meu,
inversunat de vidul in care va aflati,
e departe acum
incercand sa depaseasca
o linie invizibila
pe care doar eu o vad
si el o simte.
suntem cu totii aici
si il privim
incercandune puterile supranaturale
telepatice
si concentrandune intens
inspre al muta cu privirea
insa,
spre dezamagirea tuturor
nam reusit sa mutam
decat punctul de concentrare
intrun alt punct,
asa a fost mereu
asadar,
suntem tot aici
asteptand.
ceasul ticaie prezent
si timpul trece
scurganduse prin noi
si facandusi loc
scuptand firicele marunte
care se adancesc
trasand drumurile trecutului.

Die Monday, die!

i stick to my theory
of sucker mondays,
suckers of life,
of love,
of sleep,
of happiness
and joy,
of late mornings
and late nights,
suckers of blood
and suckers by name.
i hate mondays
and with every monday,
even more,
even more and more
and with every monday i hate,
the next mondays are even worse,
only to show me,
ima hater
but one with cause.
so,mr hot-shot monday,
my theory remains
and stands out
to you
weekly,
and you,
of course,
confirm what a sucker you are.
so,from one who knows
and really appreciates you,
an advice which i hope
you will take into account:
DIE already!

vain center

....couldnt guess
what was here
expecting the best of me,
my vain,
my year of vain,
cuz im feeling it
its starting,
already messin with me,
with everything
its so little,
and yet so complicated
its so short and yet
its lasting since..
since ive been wanting it to change.
its the vain
ive been losing myself in,
it aint something i can control
or even talk about,
ive been here,in the same place
and somehow i go and return
its like this is who i am
but i wish i wasnt.
i always want to think
im more than this
but,somehow i guess
the high comes with the wings
and if the wings are missing?
ive lost my wings some time ago,
i want to win them back
along with everything thats mine,
i want to fly away from this vain
im stuck in,
far from what i am
far from what i wanna be
far from myself
and even from you.

misssickalot

stare de nimic
in stare de nimic
nimic de stare
de stare nimic
//
//
bring me back
im paranoid and sick
sick and paranoid
bring me back
i wanna be the one who laughs
i wanna be the one who knows
whats what
dont wanna lose my mind
cuz i care for you,for time,for signs
there are some stops in life
some rules
some suckers who dont know them
and fuck around
with my head,
i fuck around
with my head
bad thoughts
it aint cool
i wanna go home
there the sun always shines
there the sleeps are alive
and reality brings you
to bring me back

septemberish.

monday the 6th ended with the sweet 666
and today i find myself
fallen and ill
one step away from my to do list,
from year 3,
3,the magic number
3,the one i wished for
3,the one from my nightmares
and the one from my dreams.
i have some kind of ache
hurts my chest
hurts my senses
and my neck.
i cant breathe properly but im trying
im so close to it
and again,so far
i have to do the one thing,
the one step
and embrace my 3.
so it feels september,
we let ourselves go,
like the leaves fall from trees,
and we get close
to our futur,
destiny,
life,in fact.

you can call me Disease.

finally,
am scapat de ziua grea de luni care ma dat pe spate in mijlocul unei furtuni de boala pe vreme insorita..mie putin dor de iarna si chiar daca vara este regina,iarna are farmecul ei..un farmec aparte-sarmanta si rece-care imi starneste o stare de somnolenta,hibernare.poate de aia imi place?
hm.
trece timpul asta mai repede ca gandul intrun creier functional si bun dea dreptul.uneori timpul parca sta pe loc si stam si noi cu el,parca ne opreste din viata.imi opreste si simtul si mintea si nu mai pot face nimic,ma blocheaza intro secunda de vid si apoi imi da play doar pentru a ma vedea cum ma zbat in speranta de ami aminti gandul pierdut in vidul timpului spatial,in secunda pierduta privind cu ochi holbati nimicul.
nimicul in care ma pierd si care ma adaposteste cu mare drag.
ne place nimicul
atunci cand trebuie editat,sa spunem,cand trebuie creat,faurit in linisteacu care ne incalzeste,ne raceste,cu care ne face sa visam,sa ne pierdem in noi,in lume,in intrebarile gazduite de o nesfarsita sete de cunoastere,in inchipuirile adancite ale mintii.

you can call me Disease,
i live trying
to cure my pain,
my dissapointments,
my failures,
trying to bring myself
to a some kind
of every day happiness
made of little things
like monsters with salami eyes
and pepper moustache.
im trying to find
a course,a way,
a Cure for what im missing,
something
or someone
who finds me when
i lose myself in the trials of this life,
im figuring that
..im what im missing,
somehow,
deep down,
only i know
what i really want.

another monday mornin

nu stiu
cum sa incep exact
asa ca
incep timid
si neincrezator
odata ce am inceput
trebuie sa ma acomodez
pentru ca,
doar asa poti face un lucru
cum trebuie.
continui prin a..
..a evolua.
e pasul 3,
un pas tranzitoriu
pentru ca
are nivele,
nivelele nu se vor termina
decat cand
vei fii cel mai fericit
ca ai inceput.
de la ce
pornise totul?
glumesc.
e o teorie general valabila,
un adevar posibil,
e adevarul meu,necesar
multiplicat
in toate directiile
functionand cu
chiu si vai
..
cand este implicat
un schimbator de stare
ca tine.
doar pentru ca
imi generezi
sentimentul ce imi echilibreaza
existenta in societate
ca fiind parte din ea.
numi place sa ma tin
de piciorul tau cand pleci
dar
macar
stii ca nu vreau so faci,
atat de mult..
incat ma faci so fac..
heh.
acceptance is step 2.
step one is
luvin u.
si din nou,
la multi ani>:D<

..................

empty headed
empty hearted
..
im not ok.
and how could i say it
when u hear it
u ask whats wrong
but somehow seem not to give a fuck..
..
i think sometimes
people are so empty hearted
that dont have
enough power
to make their heart beat.
so empty hearted
you can hear it
in their voice
in the silence of their
solitude
in the silence of their
expectance
for you
to be there
somehow..
so empty that they dont even
have tears to give
in the name of their sadness
..
so empty hearted
you can even see through them
because
whats a man
without a heart?
can you see the deads
in their graves?
you only can see
the connection they have with the world
somehow that they
are there
they were here
around us
but now
..they simply
easily decompose
its somehow my feeling right now
i easily decompose
starting with an empty heart
:)

low ride

am ceva de facut
resturi
din cele lasate
pe mai tarziu
tarziu vine
si ajunge inaintea
mea?
nu daca sunt inaintea
lui.
cu toate astea
simt
cum ma framant
in mine
si
as vrea
ceva
din ce am pierdut
pe drum
ceva rau
din cele rele
care sunt bune
cateodata
heh.
niste somn..